WHAT!
by rebelmagnus
Summary: It will be a good day when the schools get all the money they need and the air force has to hold a bake sale to buy a bomber' plus ships, F302's, build, SGC equals WHAT! Quote by unknown author. Officially on Hiatus!
1. The Start

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters. Though I haven't decided the season it will take place in yet. This story was inspired by my favorite quote.

Chapter 1

"Yes Mr. President. You know this will never go over well, plus there's sure to be some protests and they'll probably mess it up on purpose."

"….."

"Yes sir, I'll get right on it right away." General George Hammond replied and then hung up. "SGC team leaders report for an emergency briefing in 10 minutes. All is doomed."

10 minutes later

"But it's….."

"Stupid."

"Impossible."

"Preposterous."

"Idiotic."

"Yes!!"

"Rather face an army of enemy Jaffa."

"What?!! Jack you have to be kidding, why in the hell would you be on board with this?" Ferretti asked, while the others offer their own words of protest.

"Nope," was all he offered up.

"At least enlighten us on why in the history of the universe that this is only one of the few crazy ideas you will go along with?" Reynolds wanted to know.

"Carter's cooking skills."

"Huh?" was heard all over the room, even the General was confused. 'I thought the Colonel was the one I would have to order' thought the General.

"Just think of all the people we could get rid of with them!" Jack replied.

"Like who?"

"Kinsey for one, and even con the Gou'ld into some, and all the revenge we could get with them."

"That last ones a little harsh but.. you know that just might work." Ferretti agrees as do others after some thought.

"So were agreed people?"

"Yes sirs." Chorus all around the room

"A Bake sale it is then, we'll all meet later in the week to finalize who gets what assignment." General Hammond ends the meeting smiling like he knows a secret only he knows. "Just don't let her cook everything Jack."

Please review, should I continue?


	2. Telling

AN: I'm not completely sure I got their personality's right, so plz tell me if I need to fix it. Thx's for the reviews!

Chapter 2

Daniels Office

"Daniel you feel like doing team night early this week?"

" How early?" he asks with suspicion.

"Ohh I don't know, say tonight, my place, bout 7 o'clock," replies Jack.

"Why?"

"I have a few things needed to be said."

"But I still have to translate that tablet from P6X-4973."

"Daniel."

"So this thing needed to be said, what is it, your finally retiring?" he says innocently.

"You know next time you get captured, you can free yourself."

"Nah, too much paperwork for you."

"Right, just be there, oh and bring Teal'c," Jack says when he's halfway out the door.

"Scaredy cat," Daniel yells after him. _'Wonder what he'll tell Sam'_

Jacks Office

'_Let it be know, even the brave Jack O'Neill takes the coward way out some times, especially when it comes to his 2IC' _Jack thinks as he goes to pick up his phone.

'_I could get off lucky'_ he dials, _'maybe she wasn't planning to work through the night' _now it rings.

"Carter," Sam answers

"Hey Carter."

"Sir?" 

"Yep."

"What do you need?"

"Oh nothing, just wanted to tell you team nights tonight."

"Sorry I can't make it, I still have tons of experiments to finish."

"Yeah but I'm afraid you need to be there, there's some things that I have to announce tonight and I'm suppose to tell the team by tomorrow morning."

"You can't just email it."

"Nope, come on you know me and computers don't mix."

"Fine."

"Great, so what's ya donin?"

"Working, so I'll be there tonight at 7, I'll bring the beer, Goodbye sir."

"Bye." _'Well that wasn't too bad'_

Jack's place

Ding Dong 

"Doors open," Jack yells from the kitchen.

"Jack I swear this news better be pretty good to not let me finish the translations tonight!" Daniel yells walking through the door way, "Sam will be here in 10 minutes."

"Great! Pizza will be here in five."

"Nope it's here now; by the way you owe men 10 bucks." Daniel says then he goes on about some rock or something. 

"Has he been this chatty since you guys left the SGC?" Jack asks Teal'c, "I mean I knew he was annoying but dang." 

"Indeed, Daniel Jackson has become quite talkative this evening."

"Is he drunk?" Sam asks as she comes in and finds them.

"Nope just in one of his famous moods."

"You guys know I'm right here?" 

"Yep."

"Yeahsureyoubecha."

"Indeed."

"Well kids lets eat then we can talk."

After everyone settled down and finished eating, the three of them stared at Jack, till he noticed.

"What?" he asks trying to prolong the impossible.

"So what do you want to tell us?"

"Well the President has decided that it would be fun for morality if the SGC held a bake sale," now it was hard trying to figure out who was more ecstatic about it.

"What!"

"You're kidding!"

"No, but hey think of all the revenge we can get and it could be fun."

"Argh." She said as she made a face.

"Cheer up Carter, at least it'll be fun."

"What do we have to do Jack."

"Dunno, the debriefings tomorrow at 1400, we'll get the assignments then."

"Well then I think I'll go finish some work then, I'll see you guys at the meeting."

"ok."

"Bye Sam," the three chorused.

"Daniel…Teal'c…Sir."

"I think I'll go to and finish the translation, you gonna come Teal'c or spend the night here?"

"Indeed, I will come Daniel Jackson."

"Bye guys see you tomorrow morning, don't work too late."

"Bye Jack."

"Bye O'Neill."


	3. The Briefing

A/N: sorry I haven't updated in a while, I wanted to fix this chapter

A/N: sorry I haven't updated in a while, I wanted to fix this chapter. I just didn't like it, and with school I have no time but next update will probably be tomorrow.

1400 hours SGC Debriefing Room

"I've called you all here to discuss assignment, I assume you all told your team mates," Gen. Hammond says as he acknowledges the Sg team members in the room.

"Yes sir, though next time I'll send the bill," Col. O'Neill replies.

"What bill?" Hammond asks puzzled.

"Why the Medical one of course, didn't you know their violent."

"Jackk..." Hammond says now annoyed, "The assignments so far are easy, all we have so far are four assignment so far so you'll have to divide up."

"Do we get a choice in them General?" Ferretti asks.

"No, I've already chosen."

"But..." starts Renyolds.

"No that's finale." interrupts Hammond, "Look I know you guys aren't happy with this but it is an order from the higher ups. So don't complain to me, complain to them."

"Can I borrow your phone sir?" Jack asks.

"Phone?"

"You know the one in your office, sits on your desk, and its red."

"That's enough out of you Colonel. Now onto the assignments, theirs security, the cooking to be done, organization and setting up but I think those go together."

"Those don't seem too bad sir," Dixon says for everyone else.

"On Security will be SG-13 and SG-11," looking around the table he see's surprise on everyone's face, like they were all hoping for the job.

"But shouldn't a team that specializes in fighting and guarding have that job?" asks Col. Makepeace.

"No," The general replies, "I have plans for everyone else. For instance, in charge of set up and organization is Sg-3 and SG-2."

"What!" echoed all around the table.

"Quiet, now no more interruptions," orders Hammond, now extremely annoyed, "Now everyone's just going to have to deal with their assignments. SG-1 you will be in charge of the cooking. I realize you all may not be happy with this but I'm ordering you all to make it work."

"Yes sir!" was the replies of everyone around the room.

"Good, Dismissed."


	4. Shopping

A/N: Sorry it took so long, I wanted to be satisfied with this update; I'm trying to set it up for what I want to do with it so plz bear with me. Thanks for all the reviews from before and just to let you know, the amount of stuff they got was deliberate.

Chapter 4

"Grab a cart will ya." Jack said as they walk to the doors of the market, "Alright, we need lots of eggs, milk, butter, flour, gun powder, sugar, and..."

"We can find everything but one." Daniel interrupted then after a moment he asks as he grabs the cart and maneuvers it into the store, "Why gun powder again?"

"Honestly Daniel do you ever listen?"

"Nope."

"Well then I'm not going to tell you."

"Jaacckk."

"Nope."

"But.."

"Daniel!"

"Fine, but at least tell me why Sam and Teal'c couldn't come?"'

"Because Carter was working on some kind of experiment and Teal'c was Kelnoreeming, we both know better than to interrupt them." Jack explains as talking to a child.

"And I didn't have an important translation to finish?" He complains.

"Answer me honestly would you be Crazy enough to interrupt one of them?"

"No I wouldn't but you would be." Daniel answers back.

"Ohforcryingoutloud! Can we just hurry this up so we can get back."

"Sure whatever you say."

Now with silence they continue on to the baking section. When faced with all their choices they stand there confused and speak at the same time, "So which is..." they start to laugh and once they collected themselves they face each other waiting for the other to speak.

Daniel being the one to speak first says, "So with all these choices, which should we choose?"

"Which item are you talking about? The flour, sugar, or the icing?" Jack shoots back.

"Umm, all three."

"I don't know these things don't exactly come with instructions."

Ever the diplomat, "Why don't we get some of each?" Daniel suggested.

"That's the best idea you've had all day." Jack replied.

"Oh shut up." Daniel replies as they start to gather the different types of flour and sugar.

Once done with them they tackle the Icing. With all the different flavors, they have to choose from, so they grabbed a few of every flavor. Now moving on they get out of that isle moving towards the dairy when they came across the bakery. Once it was in sight and Jack spotted the most beautiful, delicious thing he has ever seen.

A Cake. A nice giant chocolate cake layered with bluest icing ever seen. Once Daniel got sight of what he was seeing he realized he better do something quick, "Jack no you can't get it."

"But..."

"No! You can taste test the Bake Goods later."

"But..."

"Look, if you keep on walking, then when this is all over, I will buy you the biggest cake ever."

"Really?" He perked up.

"Yep." Daniel replied as they continued on to the dairy section.

First they stop at the eggs and pick up 10 dozens, and then they move onto the butter and pick up a 10 packs. Lastly it's onto the milk for about 15 jugs.

Now with everything on their list, they move towards the checkout lines, where they waited in line till it was their own turn.

"How exactly are we going to pay for all this?" Daniel asks.

"I got a credit card that the air force is going to pay the bill on, as long as it's the ingredient purchases," Jack replies.

Once it was almost their own turn and they were close enough to put their items on the counter, they noticed they were getting weird looks.

"You think this will be enough stuff?" Jack asks Daniel loud enough so people would get the hint to stop starring.

"Oh I don't know, maybe." Daniel answers back.

"Good evening sirs, find everything ok?" the clerk asked.

"Yes thank you," Daniel answers.

"So what's with all this?" the clerk asks, "I mean if you don't mind my asking.

"No no problem at all, we have a bake sale at base going on soon," Daniel replies.

"Oh how exciting, and you sir helping your son out, must be a blast."

Once that was said, Daniel let out a snort of laughter, while Jack gave him a death glare but that didn't stop him.

"He's not my son." Jack let out between his glaring at Daniel and paying for the purchase.

They collected the bags and with Daniel ahead and Jack just behind him, they headed out towards Jack's truck and if you listen closely, you could hear Daniel's laughter all the way there.

A/N: Just to let you know, the amount of stuff they got was deliberate. Plz review.


End file.
